I chose the topic I wrote in inquiry three as a resource to work for my remediation project. I wrote an essay about my idea supporting to lower the legal drinking age to eighteen years old, and then remediated it into a diary. I spoke my own voice in the text, playing a role of a Miami University student, to share my thoughts and knowledge about the drinking issue. I think it is a more effective and pleasant way to spread out the opinion to my audience. My target audience was students with ages range from eighteen to twenty-one, who are under the law of underage drinking, so the rhetorical choice I have decided made my argument friendlier to the audience. I demonstrated some of my drawings to visualize the project, making it more attractive toward the audience. I capitalized keywords to make a huge impression since those words would be the first thing popping out of the screen; people will hardly forget them, and get less distracted from other words. Because of the fact that it was my diary, I greatly expressed my feelings through questions why and how. My theme color was bright color since I had penchant for showing my audience the positivity of my argument. I created my drawings amiable and fun, so that people could not forget them and did not take things too serious since it was a diary, where I shared my personal thoughts. I figured out the best composition I could create to demonstrate the argument that I wanted people to pay attention to and wanted to be able to distribute the passion I had with the issue to my audience.
From my initial alphabetic argument, I indirectly expressed my opinions under a neutral and formal voice. I framed my ideas with data numbers and quotes from well-known people such as a professor or a university president, to extend my logos and ethos rhetorical strategies, appealing the audience to the fact that my argument of lowering the age to eighteen was rational. However, in my remediation project, I still kept some logos appeal, but I focused the most on pathos skill. To me, the best way to swing someone’s belief is being able to lead his or her feelings and thoughts. I gave out the reasons for my arguments though my thoughts so that the audience could draw in their heads the issue being mentioned. I narrowed down the target audience to the students in my school. I showed them the facts about drinking not only in general but also specifically about drinking on Miami campus. This made the topic more familiar since it happens right around them. I made a video interviewing my friends about the topic, using logos and ethos techniques, to make the issue even more realistic and closer to Miami students’ lives. My words became more informal, and visual was more painted. I still kept my own thesis, but I did not write it straight down like I did within the introduction in inquiry three. My thesis became a part at the beginning of my diary when I addressed my thought about the topic.
Since my target audience was narrowed down to the students in Miami University, I believe that a less formal text form would work better to attract the attention. My diary is where I share my thoughts and feelings, making my audience feel like I am talking to them as a friend, gossiping the issue with them. The issue would be easier to be spread out in my target community. We are students, and formal texts are boring to us sometimes. For example, I barely read newspapers, but I would love to read my friend’s blog, because I find something familiar and something that matches my style from the blog. The alphabetic text in inquiry three would fit more to people who tend to absorb logos strategies and rationale.
I set an outline with introduction, body, and conclusion that addressed the same ideas I had in my alphabetic text. However, I changed everything about the demonstration. I told my audience a situation I met as a way to lead them to my argument. I made my body more personal with my drawings, my video, and my thoughts expressed through words. I did not mention any quote from others, replacing them by my own quotes. I kept the logos and ethos strategies through my video, and strengthened my pathos appeal throughout the entire project by expressing my thoughts and feelings.
I followed the storyboard and the schedule that I had created at the very first stage of the process. I kept adding more and more details based on the feedback I got from my friends and my professor. I did major changes due to those feedback. The presentation I made only lasted for about five minutes; however, it underwent a long process. I was spending time to find out the best composition. My project was a diary, which was still under the form of writing, so I had to write in a way that the major difference could be seen when two forms were compared. I thought about ways to gain more attention from the audience, so I chose to draw and to make a video. The most difficult thing to me was to make a video since I had never done it before, so I asked my friends for instructions. Personally, I think multimedia is a creative way to address arguments and easier to be absorbed and paid attention to by the audience. Since technologies are developing, there would be more and more ways to present arguments. The first thing if a person wants his audience to pay attention to his argument is to be able to attract the audience, to create them the reasons to follow him and to make them want to dig into the topic. Multimedia presentation can easily do that since visuals and sounds can greatly gain people’s attention. It is like a hook in the introduction of a written essay.
I did not create a mere essay but an informative text, where I hope people can both know the reasons why I support my ideas and gain more basic knowledge about drinking on campus, realizing the issue we are facing right now and what is happening around us in Miami community. My diary project is just one in many ways that arguments can be addressed. The idea can also be expressed in different form like under a public service announcement like my classmate Yujie did. He was supporting the idea of building an online system that only allows real names from users. The video he created was catchy with color and sound that perfectly matched the theme. No many words needed, he was still able to greatly attention from the viewers and successfully sent out the positive message to stop cyber bullying. From the project, I have known how to express my ideas through different methods, how to figure out the most effective strategy to attract a specific audience, and learned ways to use advanced techniques such as IMovie.
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